2/3/11
© (with no permission to copy or make reference to)
"I understand that pain is common in a man - but now my pleading stand - put me back on the land as being nothing but sand - I'm no longer here posted on my legs - instead I'm on my knees you could hear me beg - this is no longer the place for me - so heavenly father - please kill me"
This is the Hook to that same song
"Kill - Me - heavenly father please kill me, kill me
Kill - me - take me out my misery and kill me, kill me
Kill - Me"
This is the beginning for verse one and two
"There's nothing left for me on this earth but a six feet casket size hole under dirt. eternaly rested - away from my stresses may my day be lessen is all I'm asking - you could do it by the heat you could do it by the wants - just make it quick and painless - my life need not be endless - ................................"
"Eternally bottled up in a world of suffocation with no way out but to enhale the k-oz it's a matter of physical and mental breakdown slowly lay me down and dejuvenate my mind piece by piece please release me into the world of decease - stop my heart beat hold my breath breathe no longer me............."
Why am I posting this.....most things I write make reference to my previous postings.. I make reference to this a lot as you all will see (commonly refered to as my prayer to God ... or something in that nature).
You have captured my thoughts exactly...
ReplyDeleteBut here's an expansion...
Nearly every night before I sleep, I close my eyes and wish I could go back in time, and kill the younger version of myself. Had I died when I was just out of college, my parents would have been sad, but life would have moved on better for all who have since known me. My poor wife could have married someone worthy of her... She wouldn't have had to suffer through my bankruptcy. But... I can't go back in time, so I keep hoping that some event will occur that will take me out permanently and provide her with a big payout. For example, I keep hoping a cargo door will fall off a plane, hurtle down and kill me as I drive. I'm sure that would be worth some money from an insurance company... and yet no one individual would be responsible for my wonderful demise.
I also ask in my prayers for my spirit to cease to exist at the time I die. I don't want to go to heaven or hell. I just want to cease to exist. No more pain. No more looking back. Just let whatever constitutes my spirit get sifted and incorporated into other spirit-filled objects. But my strong belief is that our spirits continue on after we pass through this mortal existence. And if I could or will see friends and family who have passed on before, I find next to no joy knowing what a horrible, worthless person I am will continue to exist. I just want to be buried and forgotten.... and if I am remembered at all... my headstone should read something like:
Here lies a worthless sot
Spit on his grave and hope for him, that this is really the end...